My story is why I wanted to create this space…..

February 2017, I found myself hooked up to heart monitors being told I had heart damage and had to remain in the hospital based on results that the medical staff felt had me at risk for having a heart attack if I was to go home. As I waited for 6 hours in the ER to get in a hospital room, I found myself right there in my WTF Moment! You know that moment when you sit there going, “Yep. I did this and this and this…and now I am at this!” Sometimes it’s not so obvious and you have to think about choices you made but other times, like in my situation, I knew.

  It goes back to 1984. It was the end of 8th grade and I had caught mono. I was never a thin child, but by the time school was about to start for my freshman year, I had dropped so much weight from being sick that I was now a size 4. And even though I stayed a size 4 all through high school, I still had a lot of issues with my insecurities. As the years went on, I was doing pageants and started modeling which you think would have made my issues better but in reality made them even worse.  After school and into my early 20’s, I was working full time and still doing small modeling things on the side.  Not long after, I got laid off from my job so I started looking for more modeling opportunities.  I met with an agent in Allentown, Pa. that offered me work if I lost weight. At the time I went to see him I was 5’6 and weighed 115 lbs.  I think about how  I would love to find this man and say what can you even be thinking when you tell someone this size they are fat? Today I would be dumbfounded to hear that come out of that person’s mouth…back then I was crushed.  He told me to drop 10 pounds and come to come back and see him in a month for a job he had available if I was thinner. So I worked my ass off working out. At this point, I would try to limit myself to eat only one meal a day, probably for the last 3-4 years. Now I allowed myself to eat 3 times a week.  I was 3 weeks into my time and down to 108. I was excited with the results, yet I knew I was not ok. There were days that I couldn’t stand in line to get checked out in a store because I didn’t have the energy. There was a time that I was driving home from the gym that I barely had enough energy to sit behind the wheel and had to crawl into my house to eat an apple and go to bed because my body just didn’t want to go any more. I was living on diet coke and Marlboro lights. I was popping numerous diet pills and laxatives a day because the ten pounds was my prize. The weekend before I was to go back to the agent, I was a bridesmaid in a friend’s wedding. I woke up that morning with a slight scratchy throat but figured it would pass. By the end of the night I couldn’t move, I could barely pick my head off the table. I don’t remember leaving the reception other than telling my date that I  had to get me home. By the next morning I had a fever of over 105. My mom took to the ER and after blood tests (which were done forcefully by being held down due to me trying to fighting off the nurses because I was having hallucinations from the high fever that I thought the staff was trying to kill me..) I found out that I had strep and it was severe due to the lack of nutrition in my body to fight off my illness. After a few days with some food and medications I was much better. But within 2 weeks, the joints in my ankles and feet swelled to the point that I couldn’t walk. For days I was in so much pain.. My doctor had a great insight on what was going on with me because he had asked me the previous week why I had lost so much weight. So with this, and knowing I had strep, he immediately tested me for rheumatic fever.  He was correct and by the end of the whole ordeal, I ended up healthy except for walking away with a mitral valve prolapse from the fever.  One would think after all of that, that I would learn my lesson and start eating. But that wasn’t the case. It took many years and many ups and downs for that to work out.

So…fast forward 25 years to February 2017.. I knew exactly how I got to my WTF moment. But you never think it will catch up to you. Or you think once you stop and gain control that it will be over. But sometimes the damage is there and not going anywhere. It took me 33 years to get it all together. I’m now at the hospital thinking … I am following nutrition plans in a group led by an incredible woman and leading an active life style and meditating to relieve anxiety and… BOOM! I’m lying there in the hospital bed. I am thinking about having the most incredible children in the world to watch turn into these fabulous adults. And I have ideas of things I want to do with my photography and writing. And  I want to travel to see so many things I haven’t witnessed yet. And..and…and….So really?  Are you freakin kidding me??!!

Finally September 2017, and after finalizing numerous tests, I am told there is absolutely nothing wrong with my heart and my prolapse is the same as it has been for years. There is really no explanation as to why I had such intense chest pain that day back in February and apparently there was nothing to worry about.  But it did change me. Mainly because the reason that started all my issues could have been stopped….by me! I wasn’t a victim. It wasn’t like it was cancer or another horrible disease that was out of my hands to control. Controlling your own situation is a powerful thing. I take that scare as a sign from the universe that it is time to be bolder in my own life than what I was living. To take the time to be present and to appreciate what I am capable of achieving. I have taken time over the last few summers to travel, and I am taking a couple more weeks again this summer, by myself to really breathe and to hear what is in my own head. To block out the outside voices that tell me what I should be doing that are usually much louder than my heart telling me what I really want. Now I am figuring it out. I’m back to my art. And writing. And figuring out the places where I love my photography and the places that I don’t. All of this is what brings me to Turquoise Women. I’m pulling together the pieces to make a much bigger picture.  I want to share in it to allow other women to find their strengths in other stories. I want to see the beauty in every single woman’s interior mess and share in how we all overcome the crazy life situations to become a better version of ourselves.  Life is really too short to sit too long in the WTF moments .Truth liberates. I feel like so many people hide their brokenness out of embarrassment due to how people will perceive them, but I say be honest with yourself with what you have gone through and share what didn’t devour you. Share what made you stronger…what part of your journey makes you a more positive female role model. Let’s cheer one another on in life to conquer our battles and relish in one another’s successes. Let’s let other women know they are brilliant. Let’s be better humans.  And let’s listen to our hearts.

I grew up knowing. 

Knowing, I knew. 

Imagining that I could become...anything.

At the age of ten I wanted to be a chef, until I realized chefs needed to work nights and weekends. Somewhere in my teens I decided I wanted to be a poet, until I realized poets rarely get paid. During college I fell in love with copywriting and thought that was the way to be a paid poet. A week before I received my Masters degree, my mentor, a tall, thin, white-haired man with the tannest skin (year-round, in Syracuse, NY, no less) and the clearest of clearest blue eyes handed me Edna St. Vincent Millay's first-edition poetry collection,  A Few Figs From Thistles with a scribble inside that read: limit your poetic instinct unless you’re writing a poem. I took his advice, landed an agency copywriting job and tucked my poetic instinct away.

I fell in love, got married, started a family, stopped working and then became a chef (at the same time I assumed the role of maid although that was never a dream of mine). Eight weeks after I stopped working I started freelance copywriting. I thought I needed to think more. This whole thinking nonsense led me to starting an ad agency. When I got bored, I accepted a job teaching advertising at a local college. When I got drained, I started a custom stationery business.  When I found myself in the middle of the National Stationery Show in NYC, being applauded not for the cards, but for the marketing supporting the business, I returned to advertising...but not without a little breakdown in between.

Somewhere within the space of managing a career and babies and dinner and laundry and life, I discovered that managing wasn't all it was cracked up to be and juggling was for clowns. I was tired and unfulfilled. I was certain that I was missing a very big something, but I couldn't quite put my finger WHAT that something was. So I kept pushing and pushing and pushing until I realized that very big something was me.

I was missing me. 

The happy me. The creative me. The passionate me. The connected me. The me who grew up imagining she could be anything. The me who knew.

You will be surprised to learn that a choir of angels did not appear with that realization. Hardly. Guilt appeared with a heaping side of Shame. They asked, "How can you not feel happy and connected? How can you not feel passionate and free? Technically, there is nothing wrong with you. You are just being selfish. Who do you think you are to think you deserve something more when you already have so much?" 

You've met Guilt and Shame, too? Those two freaks are relentless.

For reasons I will never understand, I decided to ignore them. I decided to admit that I wasn't happy out loud. I told my husband, my family and my friends. I allowed myself to say it, to hear it, to feel it. And then, with the nudge of a cherished friend, I decided to write my way out of that murky place. The year was 2010. I started a blog called Twisted Pinky, Promises Worth Making On Your Journey Through Life. It didn't take me long to realize that whatever I wrote came true—the good and the bad. So I quickly pointed my pen toward all things positive. In the process, I discovered a thing or two. 

Life is a circle.

And you need to roll with it. It's the only way to come to your senses about yourself, to find your purpose, to understand your infinite and invaluable potential. 

I think it's ironic that I spent over 20 years creating messages for different mediums in advertising, only to discover that I was a medium channeling messages. The Universe is hysterical like that. Let's just say I stepped into a rabbit hole for several years and when I found my way back out I was a certified Usui Reiki Master, Earth Medicine School shaman practitioner and Open Heart Project meditation instructor. Yes, the hole was wide and deep. 

The key to the unending process of becoming is allowing. Allowing your senses to unfold in a way that's aligned with all the things that make you giddy. Admittedly, that's not always easy because the only way to figure out what lights your heart on fire is to navigate through the experiences that try to dampen your flames. Sometimes this feels like a twisted maze of wrong turns and dead ends, but when you finally discover the path that makes the most sense to you all those twists and turns reappear as a brilliantly orchestrated, life-size, connect-the-dot puzzle. I believe you are born with a tool to connect these dots. It's called intuition. 

Intuition is the woo within you.

You arrive on this planet with an intuitive compass intact. Every human is wired this way. It connects you to the Universe. It connects you to your family, friends, lovers, haters, strangers and neighbors. It connects you to a sea of potential energy that's loving and unlimited, graceful and gracious, and as deep and dreamy and miraculous as the life you're here to lead.  

I believe your intuitive powers are capable of delivering heaven on earth. I believe that when you choose to live in the center of your truth with the best intentions, you disable fear, longing, stress, anxiety and disease and, in doing so, you discover freedom. I believe that synchronicity is a reminder that you and I are slice of the divine here to enjoy a destiny of greatness. It's why we're both on this same page right now honoring all the dots that connect us. 

And I believe, when you allow your innate intuitive powers to fully develop you find the most important key of all—the one that unlocks your heart for good. 

It's how I live. It's how I work. It's why I'm here. 

“My dad passed away when I was 5 years old. He went out for a run and came back to the door and rang the doorbell because he couldn't breathe. I yelled for my mom and she whisked me from the room and that was the last time I saw him alive.

My mom was a stay at home mom until that point. so she had to go back to school to support me and my brother. During that time, we moved in with my grandparents so they could help take care of us because we were so young. My mom eventually became a teacher and we moved back into our family home.It was hard during our younger years because my mom wasn't home or she was studying. It is understandable because she had to do what she had to do to keep us together in our home, but we did miss her at home with us.

I think that has a lot to do with me being a stay at home mom myself. I’m happy to be home everyday and take part in all of my kids activities because I am fortunate enough to be able to be there. Even though I didn't get the chance to spend a lot of time with my mom when I was younger we had a wonderful relationship and we still do so now. She has been a huge part of my children’s lives as well and I am blessed to have that strong bond with both her and them.”

 I have always loved being outside. I love the sun, the water, the trees, the wind, the rain. (The cold not so much) When I grew up we were always outside. We had a small lake, woods with trails and our bikes! I loved it all!

As I got older and realized hiking was actually a thing, I developed a passion for it. My husband and I have hiked  many parts of the West and throughout many Pennsylvania and National Parks. We have explored Yosemite, Zion, Bryce Canyon, Mount Rainer, Olympic, Monument Valley, Lake Powell, Antelope Canyon, Acadia, Shenandoah, Smokey Mountains and the Grand Canyon. We backpacked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon twice and over the last few years I began section hiking the Appalachian Trail.  I also have a passion for being on the water. I have rafted down the Colorado River.  I have kayaked in Presque Isle State Park, Lake Erie and Pine Barrens and I have been on the Susquehanna River, Delaware River and numerous lakes around my home. Being outside makes my heart happy. I like to believe that I will “enjoy the journey”. Not just the trail, but in life. I like to think that I find the positive side in things, the good in people, and the joy in it all.

“It was 2011 when I first started researching healthier eating options, because I was always tired and had various aches and pains. I started cooking with organic produce and meats. In 2012, I read the book Skinny Bitch and was horrified with what I read. I realized that cancer and disease could be prevented with your diet. And then the chapter on factory farming broke my heart. I decided that day that it was time for a change.

I have always been a great cook and my parents own a farm, so it gives me the opportunity to experiment with different recipes. In 2014, I became a certified juice guru coach through The Juice Guru Practitioner Program and started helping people regain their healthy through teaching and coaching. My website Bloomin Juice offers many healthy recipes. (Easily accessed through both Facebook and Instagram) I also have a certificate in vegetarian nutrition through the Vegetarian Health Institute. With the knowledge I have accumulated over the last few years, I now coach people on the healthy benefits of a plant-based diet. Recently, I started the group The Back Mountain Roots, based in Luzeren County, Pa. I made this group to bring together people, no matter where they are in their journey, to connect and see that a plant based diet can be both fun and delicious. We meet monthly for potluck dinners and to share recipes and encouragement to live a plant-based diet life style. This group recently became a part of the world-wide group called The Grassroots Movement led by T. Colin Campbell and his son Nelson. With this affiliation, we can now engage our community and teach people the healthy benefits of what we do. (For more information please check out The Back Mountain Roots Facebook page)

My message to share is that it is never too late to change our diets. We can heal both our bodies and our planet with just a few simple changes. 

My life has been surrounded by a lot of male influences. I grew up a tomboy with having four brothers and today I am married and raising 3 wonderful sons. But outside of that, I have also been blessed to have the impact of some very strong women to guide me in my life. From my mom, my aunt, and my Grammie “Twinkle Toes”, I learned to be the woman and mother that I am. I have had the same group of besties most of my life. I have been friends with these women for 35+ years and each and every one of them has been there for me through the good, bad, dark and ugly times from then until now. I have been reminded numerous times by many people how lucky I am to have such an incredible bond with these women for such an amazingly long time span. I was also super fortunate to acquire more sisters and lifelong friends who I would have never met if it wasn’t for my kids and their friendships they made in elementary school. I am a stronger women due to what they all teach me and that is that love, friendship and supporting each other through thick and thin, no matter what, is a gift to not take lightly. I am fortunate to have found that love, friendship and life long bond within these women who all have a part in making me the person I am today.

“I am a business owner of both a pizza shop  and as a bee keeper with Shady Nook Bee Farms. Our bees are located in Harvey’s Lake of Northeastern Pa. My boyfriend Eric and I got our first 2 hives of bees about 6 years ago and I have been hooked ever since. I keep bees because I love them and the magic that they carry. They never cease to amazing me. They are spectacular creatures that teach me something new every time I am with the hives. When I am working with them, time seems to slip away. It becomes a meditation of sorts. After about a years of keeping bees, I started sourcing wax and honey from my hives to make cold press soaps. I love this almost as much as I love working with the bees themselves. I use organic ingredients in my recipes (with the exception of a few essential oils) and I keep the ingredient list short. I never use harsh chemicals, fragrances or preservatives. I think it is important to know what you are putting on your body and it should be good for you! My line of products has slowly expanded to include body bars, face bars, shampoo bars (for both dogs and people), shave soaps and kits, loofah soap and sea sponge soap. I think I enjoy it so much because I am creating something that I truly love and I am adding wax and honey from my precious bees in all the recipes.

I am a treatment-free bee keeper. (I do not use any chemical treatments to control disease or mites in the hives.) This is a controversial subject in itself and challenging to say the least. From the beginning it has been a bit of a rollercoaster ride. Some years we lose nearly all of our bees but we are in the process of working to build a solid foundation of treatment free stock. I try to take what I learn from the bees to better the way that I am keeping them. Above all, when something isn’t going as planned I try to remember to take a step back and pay attention to what the bees are doing. They are the real teachers.

It is very rewarding for people to respect what I do and to recognize how important honeybees are to our planet, but I think it’s extra rewarding when people realize that most of these problems (if not all) stem from what is happening to our agricultural world. We are destroying our planet and creating unnatural situations for our entire ecosystem. So, to help in any tiny way by keeping our bees (treatment free) and to have people understand what is really happening, is a huge benefit to everything that we are doing.

You can find me on Facebook at Shady Nook Bee Farms and on Instagram at shadynookbeefarms. I also sell soaps at local markets. If you are not local, you can check out our Etsy shop at hhtps:/www.etsy.com/shop/ShadyNookBeeFarm?ref=hdr

“The keeping of bees is like the direction of sunbeams.”~ Henry David Thoreau”

When I was asked to tell my story a while back, I shuffled my feet and hesitated and I wasn’t sure why. Why was this extremely hard for me to do, especially when I’ve got so much to say and share? Where was I to begin? Which phase of my life should I share? All of it is a contributing factor of where I am today , of who I am today , and it became a very emotional journey to put on paper. Should I tell the story of single unwed 20 year old mom? Or a girl whose passion of nutrition started at an early age? Or a divorced women growing back wings that were clipped for most of her adult life and learning how to fly again? So, I begin and choose to share the latter .. the REBIRTH OF ME! The building of my business, The Barn. The lotus growing from the mud. The woman who said by age of 50 that no one or nothing was going to stop her, stop her from fulfilling something deep in her soul, a yearning to help, to heal , to save, to love. Leaving a 25 year marriage for absolutely no reason except a feeling of finding my need to fulfill my own purpose... my life purpose. I packed my bags and left South Florida, my home of 30 years and left all behind. And so it started... 8 Lincoln. One person, followed by 2 and then 3 and 4 and 5 and....... well…. I’m now over 12,000 people strong at The Barn Nutrition and Fitness!! Teaching nutrition in a barn, a barn that was as shattered and torn as I was when it all started. Determined to make people better, to make ME better! To change a community, to better oneself in believing in themselves once again. Teaching how food can be as nourishing or destroying depending on the choices you make. Weight loss in its own right is such an emotional journey to many and I’m glad I can walk it with my people. Sharing my knowledge of learning nutrition in the most unconventional ways other than sitting in a classroom reading out of a book. I’m glad I came back to the place I couldn’t wait to run away from. I’m happy to be home! My story isn’t finished yet.... there is so much more to complete in my life.. but it’s happening and I’m super excited to see how it unfolds!