So the Switch was on today.
This beautiful room that I set up for taking boudoir photos became my office space for a new job I am starting next week. When society as we know it stopped in March and closed many of it’s doors due to this virus, a majority of small businesses had to go into a stand still mode. I would stop by this happy place to check on it weekly to walk inside and witness it’s sad stillness, which just about every small business owner will attest to, is as scary as the virus situation itself because these are our spaces that hold our dreams along with our livelihoods. As we kept continuing into day whatever, I had to decide to either give up my studio or to go outside of what I want to being doing in my career, for a period of time, to be able to keep this lovely location until the world figures out what we do now to open. And there are a few small things I learned from all of it…..
Putting life and dreams on hold sucks. A LOT!! I spent weeks dragging my feet ..and drinking my fair share of rum.. fighting the reality of the world opening back up quickly to what we all knew as being normal. The truth is we don’t know. The truth is the bills to run a business are still coming in and the work can not. I was lucky to be offered this job right now when so many people are out of work and able to fall back on an occupation that I was once a part of. (Though I swore to never do it again.) But I chose to go with the flow of it right now instead of fighting it kicking and screaming and do what needs to be done. After accepting all of the unknowns, I am beginning to see it as a new exciting part of this chapter. I am ready to see where it goes, while knowing my photography studio dreams are also still in place and will be coming back in time- hopefully better and stronger as ever when the time is right. (And YES!! I am praying it will be sooner than later!)
I learned that some people can shine brighter than ever when you need them. I have an amazing studio landlord that worked with me. I have amazing people that are still reaching out to me to collaborate on photos as soon as it is possible. I’ve had amazing people sharing my work on social media and calling out my business so that it can keep getting noticed. I have had amazing people standing in my corner with their support and encouraging recognition of my photography skills and their inspiring words that have helped keep me positive on my days of doubt when I saw it all fading. It has been heart warming to witness and be a part of so much love.
And finally, I have seen this time as a moment of reflection. I jumped into this studio without a plan. It was offered to me at a time when I really needed a speck of light to put me on a path when I had a lot of things in life going wrong. And I still see it as one of those positive things that you just know is right and you do it without thinking because you can feel it. But when it didn’t take off as fast as I wanted it to, I saw it as a personal failure even when I had a voice of reason being given to me that a successful business doesn’t just happen overnight. I didn’t want to hear it, but when we all came to this stand still I eventually took a breath. That when after feeling that I should give up, I am now feeling its right to just give in to letting the process unfold and to keep pushing on what I want. To stop hating the business part of this plan that has consumed the part I love in creating photos. My passion for the studio started with the love I have in being a part of someone’s life when I am honored by their request to photograph a chapter or an event. I don’t know I would have paused on my own to hear my heart over my head again without this opportunity to stop to remember that part.
So here I am with a Plan B. Even though I will be splitting my time working at a job I had to take on while building a career I love, I am ok with it. It really is all good. It is no longer feeling rushed and overwhelming, but at the right place and the right time on a number of different levels. Maybe the best lesson I learned during all this chaos was to both slow down my panicked brain and to do what feels right because life is still going to happen whether we choose to make it a constant race or enjoy the experience as we go from day to day.
Oh…and this plan still includes rum, because every plan should include rum. Just in a much happier way!
